Don't Get Lost in the Universe Alone

Stairing out of this second story doorway, overlooking a classic South Minneapolis alleyway, I marvel in the beauty of life, of nature, of reality. An interesting vibe is running through me. Picking it up, as if some black star deep in space had sent it through the ether to my conciousness. It is nice to see I can still recieve such vibes, been awhile since I've gotten lost in one.

The sun of the past few days has helped render some of the most beautiful imagery my mind has processed in quite awhile. Minnehaha Falls are awesome now, as they always are. The frozen crystals of ice spiraling off in some complex fractal pattern, while glowing a warm hue of blue. A small ecosystem of mosses and ferns exists behind the falls, primitive life thriving in the Minnesota winter.

A little on love. Love, this concept that had been associated with pain for awhile in my mind, has spun around and is now being examined with a very fresh perspective. It's wonderful. I don't know where I'm at for sure, but I feel the Universe has at least decided to put me in this awesome place, might as well enjoy it.

This blog will be taking a new turn for a bit. My father and I are doing a comic book together, and I've been writing a lot lately on my own. I think this will be the testing grounds for all that. I'm not wanting to overanalyze my life anymore, I'm sure I will again at some point, but for now I think I wanna do some storytelling.

The next 6 posts are gonna be the literary equivalent of the the Comic Book project, once my dad does some art for it, I'll put samples of that up as well. Just to get you started off...

Organic Mechanics
A Brief Introduction

Organic Mechanics(OM), is a story I'd thought up maybe three years ago or so. It is a complete work of fiction, but in it are some of the bare veins of my being. The thing is, the story never really came together. It was all over the place, various files of thoughts on my computer, long handwritten scribbles in various journals and comp books, and even music I'd recorded based off of the story. I started something in a script format at one point, but now, looking through all of this junk, I'm not sure there ever was a coherent story there or not. One of the big problems was that it was based off of raw thought patterns, so it felt very autobiographical. I don't think I could really write it until I got out of that pattern of thinking. The story had to complete itself.

The story follows a character, much like me, through a point in his life when he makes some discoveries about himself and the world around him, that seem to strip away reality.

It's a journey from day to day life, to the inner reaches of one's own mind. From thinking you understand, to actually understanding. It's dealing with what feels like insanity, getting into the circuitry of your mind and doing the rewiring your self. Letting go, moving on, accepting, embracing, etc...

Figuring out who you are, all that stuff. In this story, the character slips into unconciousness and takes up residency in his own mind. The mind in this case is an elaborate organic space, seemingly constructed from pure universal chaos. There is conduits and tunnels, infrastructure, layers of complexity layered upon one another. The residents of his mind are self-images, spanning into infinity with diverse traits and characteristics. The mind appears to be a place where the single mind of the character shares his existence with counter part minds from infinite universes with infinite possibilities. A place that is nothing and everything all at once. A core, or center, that seems to also be apart of something larger.

In this elaborate setting, he gets distracted, but the more he learns about himself and how things "are", the more he remembers and misses the beauty of the reality he left behind. It then becomes a struggle to climb back out of the rabbit hole, back to his life, back in reality.

Like I said, this will just be a rough over on here, I'm just writing to get the idea out, then I'll break it down into a more structured comic form.

I hope you all enjoy, and please leave comments.

Mark

Tuesdays on the Cheap

Aww, Minneapolis, what a wonderful city. I know that the story is the same no matter where you go. That in every city, all around the world, there are pubs and people get drunk and have a blast. Minneapolis just happens to carry some weight with it.

Odd recollections this morning as I tip toe around my friends who insisted on playing "Drink till you die, Mother fucker" last night. How is it that you can sit around a table of people you hardly know, drink some good crisp Hardcore Cider, and then converse in a way that makes you feel you've known each other all along. Why are some of us men so inept at talking to women we like? Why does alcohol continue to affect you into the next day, refreshed by that badly needed glass of water that you drank down due to dehydration. You are in bed, not feeling great, not feeling bad, then you drink a bunch of water and try and make your way downstairs, BAM!, it hits you, you can't fucking walk, you are still very much drunk.

Last night my good friends, Joe and Becky, and myself went out to see "Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang" at the dollar theatre in Hopkins. A decent flick, it certainly was better than I expected going into it. Afterwards we pick up another good friend, Nick. From there it's off to the Triple Rock for Tuesday 2 for 1s.

I know I have kept many in the dark on how things been going lately, just got caught up in the moment. I'm sure I'll get all deep and introspective soon enough and I'll let more out, but for now I'm just riding the wave and looking for a job.

It's nice that this blog has finally taken a turn from the tortured soul shit, but for some reason happiness is an emotion that's not so easily given up. I want it all to myself, it makes me greedy like money, I want more once I get a taste of a little. I'll try and get it out soon enough.

Mark Vollrath
Minneapolis

A Rock, A Star, A Dream

Standing here, on a rock,
gazing up at a star,
asking those things that humans ask,
when they are in such positions.

In the dream, her dark eyes,
orbs of mystery, look back into mine.

Staring endlessly, I come back down.

The star has her secrets, I have mine.


Absolution. Peace. Contempt.

Something snapped in me, and all is well as of now.

Down tempo in a minor key...

Another Man's Done Gone

Good song Jeff Tweedy and Wilco resurrected. Unrecorded thoughts that Woodie Guthrie "scribbled" down at some point. A deep passing thought.

Something I can feel a connection with at this point. Moving back has had it's side effects. This past weekend after attending a party in my old neighborhood, I was takeing some friends home, and inadvertantly pulled into my old Apartment parking lot. A stupid, human thing to do. It shouldn't have had as much weight or relevance, but it busted me down. The up and down slide of my bi-polar mind balancing itself out. I am surronded by people now, interesting, imaginative, free thinking people, but I feel so damn isolated and alone. I want to open up and communicate, but at this point I worry about boring another with my issues, or not coming through clearly. Self-esteem issues, self doubt, that kind of junk.
I wanna girl to help me forget my past, I'm scared to death of long term relationships, I'm shy as fuck. I'm way too open, like why am I writing this shit? I am standing on a high cliff overlooking the rugged terrains over which I just came, seeing the errors I have made, how I could have better approached that situation/conversation/concept. I stand with my back towards the direction I am heading, forever reveling in the terrain of the past. If I could swing that perspective around and analyze where I am and what could be possibly ahead of me. How to navigate that future terrain so I won't have to analyze so much in retrospect.

I think there are times when I am riding the flow of the universe, and then there are times when it's going against me. Like standing in a blizzard in strong winds.

Denial is a powerful drug. Accepting something one doesn't wish to acknowledge can break a man down. Opening the mind to some new outlook on the universe can do the same to some.

I wish it was spring, I am not in the mood for Febuary at the moment.